The World Ain't Slowing Down

I feel that I simply cannot trust anyone right now.

So I vented painful things to my father a week or two ago. Tonight, I overheard him calling me a "shit" to my mother among other hurtful things. Later tonight, he said hello and talked to me politely as if that never happened. My therapist tells me that when my parents say mean things like this, they're only taking out their stress. Also, that I should remember none of these things are true, and that they're not being personal. However, why should I need to put up with this?

When I'm angry or stressed out, I don't do these things to them.

And in a related situation, my mother can have emotionally abusive tendencies at times. I'm not using that term lightly either. I mean it. What I'm trying to say is, it's just so tiring being around them now, and it's damning knowing that I used to think they were totally perfect. But I guess that's part of growing up.

And something I have not let go yet is that first, an online friend was not online for a week. I was understandably worried; this was not like them. I messaged them privately asking if they were alright. No reply. Two days later? They're online, tweeting again, and have completely disregarded my message as if I never sent it. I think they could tell I was annoyed since they blew me off, and so they tweeted something like, "I'm sorry for having anxiety". Anxiety is not an excuse, hell, it's a cause, if anything. This same person too once messaged me for using a reaction picture that was theirs. I used it while I was talking about being extremely upset/depressed. No comforting or reassuring--both of which I've given them numerous times in the past when they've felt distressed. Just, "Hey, was that my picture you used? Can you remove that post?"

There are more things like this, but I'll stop here. The point is: I keep being disrespected. I am tired of it. I'm practically a doormat to my peers online and off, and I loathe it.

Sometimes I'll even find myself fantasizing about a real friendship. Most girls my age dream about dating. I just want someone. I want someone who won't walk all over me.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qDJafGS6tWI