Medication + Lonliness...high school sure is awesome.

  Fairly recently, I started taking the stimulant Vyvanse for my ADHD. It has helped a lot in terms of my motivation, social skills (a little), and focusing on school work. And while there are of course side effects, they don't mean anything compared to the new found motivation and focus I have now. It's nice. Though when I'm on it, especially right now, it draws attention to how lonely I truly am.

  Let me just say, I've basically adjusted to loneliness being my default ever since I started high school; it's something I've become used to. Now, with me being alert and having the ability to care, I do notice a lot of things. Even with me on the medication, it still bums me out quite a bit and no amount of happy drugs can numb that...I mean, it's the reason I'm noticing this stuff, anyway. When I'm leaving my boring vocational school district each day, not one student says a simple goodbye to me. If I do have people saying goodbye, it's in a goofy/poking fun at me sort of way as I'm leaving math class. I sit at lunch with people I don't have anyone in common with because I've settled...and they talk to me, but that's all it is: talking just to talk. So you don't seem alone at lunch. I also spend mornings in my home room class before the bell rings in an anti-social silence, generally. What I'm saying is that you're meant to have all these happy missing puzzle piece type of cliques in high school, and that just never worked out for me. The Vyvanse is making me look at my sorry situation and feel bad about having not done anything about it for four years.

  Have I tried talking to others when I'm on the med and more confident? Yes! Do they actively engage and often respond back? ...Well, no. :( Yeah, I know you can't get others to like you if they don't like you in the first place; you just can't force that kind of thing. It's like that horse and water analogy. It just sucks that I'm so weird and unlikable to the people around me. I think that's the biggest con of the medication.

At least Vyvanse gives me confidence about my future a little bit. But I still don't know what the hell I'm gonna do this summer.

Wouldn't it be nicer if we could die for a while and then resurrect ourselves when things are less hectic?